Author Archives: Mellie Justad

About Mellie Justad

A transplanted Southerner trying to survive in South Florida or what I fondly refer to as,"The Land of the Southern Impaired" I write about everyday life from my days as my hometown's Possum Queen to being cut from my wet suit with the Jaws of Life with a pair of hedge clippers. My humorous essays have appeared in the anthology, Not Your Mother's Book on Being a Mom, Midlife Boulevard, The Storyteller, ParentingPlus, Dew on the Kudzu and Muscadine Lines. Remember when you find yourself at the end of your rope- don't despair and crochet your own noose- Just add humor.

Parlor Tricks

In my lifetime, I’ve encountered many parlors—living room, beauty, and funeral, but until last year the “tattoo” variety of the species had eluded me.  When my friend, Elise informed me of her plans to get a tattoo to celebrate turning forty, I … Continue reading

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Once Twice Three Times A “Fraidy”

 “Ma’am, what brings you here tonight?” the E.R. doctor asked Mama who was stretched across the gurney giggling while I nervously paced, as if she’d expire at any moment. “Looks like you overdid it on the dance floor,” he chuckled. Yeah, while boogying … Continue reading

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Squeezed Out

“What’s wrong with butthole, everybody’s got one,” said Big Don my latest dream date with a look of total surprise on his face. I watched in horror as Mama spewed her wine across her fancy linen tablecloth, and Daddy nearly … Continue reading

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